There is no fate, only decision and consequence, impact and reverberation. Life and time are of strands, for true, but not a tapestry. Rather, a harp: the strands are taught, not easy to pluck, impossible to remove, but as we run our hands across them, our life is played, like a melody, and the music we play changes the shape of the world, like ripples on a pond.

Each thought is a vibration. The vibration can be sound, color, texture, or emotion; a manifestation that lasts as long as its note. Without vibration, there is astonishing emptiness.

For true: all of the world is water and sound. The sound is dream, and the water is chaos. We fight against ripples and waves to make our will known in the world, competing with an infinite multitude of players.

What we call “reality” is but the dominant melody.

To change the world, we must change the melody. We must change what the dreamers are dreaming of.

Two more holidays to go, and I'm home free...

And I didn't even loose my job. Yay!

Well, Yom Kippur was yesterday, and so I feel reasonably assured that, since I'm still here, I have been inscribed in the book of life.

Yom Kippur, for those who have never observed it, consists of 25 hours of fasting, 500 pages of prayer, 14 hours of praying, and four other afflictions: no leather shoes, no washing, no anointing, and no sex. Fasting is considered the fifth affliction, and they very well could have added a sixth: being in shul with cranky Jews.

Me, I just get loopy when I fast. I giggle at inappropriate things, and on occasion, have to bring myself back from flights of fancy while the Rabbi is talking.

I have to say, though, that I observed something curious. There were two kinds of people present: those that are observant, who are there every holiday, every week, and so forth, and those who were non-observant Jews, showing up on Yom Kippur to atone for their copious sins. That's not curious. What is curious is that the people who were regulars, who were observant, were by and large just going through the motions, saying the prayers, following the laws of the holiday, doing what they were supposed to, as they pretty much always do.

The people who were not regulars, who were your standard "Rosh Hashona and Yom Kippur" Jews, were not only far more fervent in their prayer, but kicked off a lot more energy. They were far more emotional and sincere about their repenting. When I turned to look at them, some were beating their chests in earnest, and others were sitting with their eyes closed, in silent meditation, but none among them was just going through the motions.
The most intense Yom Kippur service I have ever been to was almost entirely composed of sinners.

I have two analogies to explain this, one that is traditional, and the other that is entirely my own.

The traditional answer compares a minyan to the eleven spices of the temple incense. Ten of those spices, of course, are sweet smelling (three of them smell like cinnamon), and one is a piercing, awful, bitter scent. That last is Galbanum. It is said that a minyan must, strictly speaking be any ten Jews. However, ten righteous Jews are a poor minyan. Their prayer does not truly rise like incense before God unless there is also a sinner among them. Some say that this is because the elevation of the lowly is sweeter, in God's eyes, than any prayer. The ten exist for the purpose of elevating the eleventh.

My personal interpretation is that, when being EXTREME is a part of your daily practice, you have a hard time getting excited about anything in your religion. When you do your very best to follow the law, it is difficult to feel guilty. When you feel like you are in the top 10% of Jews, in terms of your observance (which is not hard, considering that 90% of all Jews are reform or non-practicing), it is difficult to feel like those prayers for repentance apply to you. "I busted my hump for You all damned year," reasons the observant Jew, "If You don't inscribe me in Your book, then shame on You." The non-observant Jew comes in, thinking, "OH CRAP I ARE A SINNER OH NOES!!" Which is what the angels themselves are described as doing in heaven, and what all Jews, not just sinners, are supposed to be doing. And so, understandably, the unique energies of the holiest week of the year rest entirely on those Jews who, like the King, are only there during that time.

In all this, there are two things to be mindful of: that those who are holy have no purpose in the community if they do not argue for the rest of the community based on their own merit. And secondly, that no one is perfect. Sure, you kept kosher all year, but maybe you made someone feel bad by giving them a dirty look when they made a mistake in their observance, and maybe (or, in this country, probably,) you made some hurtful comment, or were engaged in gossip about people behind their backs.

I thought of this solution during the service, to add as my own personal devotion, that if there was some way in which I was righteous, that another was not, let my merit count for them where they lack strength. And likewise, where I am weak, let the merit of another count for me. The idea itself is implicit in the service, but making it explicit, for myself, helped to bring the concept of community teshuva into sharper focus for me.

Also, I made sure to spend a lot of time thinking about those lesser considered sins in Judaism, which are not the things that one automatically considers when searching ones self for Jewish sins. Like being a douchebag, or being arrogant, or even sticking your foot in your mouth, which I do a lot, and will probably always do.

I'm so busy.

We just moved to this new apartment in Nonantum over labor day weekend, but we're still packing up the old place. Also, we have only one chair. I have a new job, and every day, Michael reminds me to set up my health insurance and my W2, and every day, my boss is not in her office. I'm trying to set up a kosher kitchen here, which is a project in and of itself, and I've got this stupid online course that started a week ago, which I still can't access the online materials for.

Michael's sister just got married today, and the ceremony was beautiful. Michael's relatives were surprisingly warm toward me. Lisa and Erich looked amazing, the food was elegant and delicious, and Erich's mom did a wonderful job with the arrangements for the tables. She made the vases, even. It was an outdoor wedding, and the weather was perfect, neither too hot nor too cold. The favors were maple candy!

Rosh Hashona is coming up on Wednesday night. It ends just as Shabbos begins. So I have roughly three days to try and kasher enough pots to cook enough food for three days. I can cook some stuff on Yom Tov, but I really ought to get as much done in advance as possible.

The new shul we are attending is lovely. It has a very relaxed and inviting atmosphere, in spite of, or perhaps because, it is a small community shul. Everyone seems to want to invite us over for dinner for various occasions.

But altogether, I will be glad when things calm down. I think it says something that I have hardly touched my laptop, or my research, in over a week. I've been incommunicato for at least that long, also. I hope my friends will forgive my extreme business. As it is, I am "stealing" this time to write an LJ entry as Michael is rushing around, unpacking, and simultaneously trying to get the nonsense with my course sorted out.

I'm tired as hell. And I think I am coming down with a cold.

I need a robot clone.

What is one food that you refuse to try? Why?

Usually these are stupid, but I confess, I found this one compelling. For my whole life, I've basically had a "I'll try anything once," approach to food. It's part of my philosophy that, well hell, my patron deity is the Creator of the universe, and all its various and sundry permutations, that there are an infinite number of sensual experiences, each with its own artistic content, reflecting the infinite imagination of God.

But I could never bring myself to try roasted, salted ants.

I remember when I first had the chance. I was at a party, where there was plenty of beer to rinse my mouth out with. It was presented in a clear plastic package, the outside of which depicted a boy at a carnival, holding a balloon.

I took one out of the package, held it up to the light, and instantly wanted to hurl. I kept telling myself: "It can't be that bad. It's no worse than any other dead thing you have ever eaten." Something about looking at the thing, curled up into the fetal position, half an antenna roasted off on one side, legs all bunched up up the center like it had been alive until it was unceremoniously salted and popped into a hot oven.

Maybe it was just because it was SO not kosher, but I could not overcome the gag reflex.

So there it is, my secret shame: I will never eat an ant.

Kabbalistic, based on Jewish folk story about the moon. In myth it is said that she was once nearly as bright as the Sun, and asked God that the Sun be diminished. For her treachery, she was diminished herself. It is said that in the Messianic times, the moon will be restored to its former brightness, which will be like the the light of seven days.

[Needs Title]

In a time now long forgotten
In a sky all full of darkness
In a darkness that was deeper
Than a cavern’s sunless sea

In a time of perfect silence
Before any sound was uttered
Before air emerged from water
There was given a decree

Then the waters of the heavens
And the waters down below them
All were filled with perfect brightness
Without any darkness in it

It was then that they were molded
The sun the moon and luminaries
And their cycles were established
Under angel, under spirit

Blessed be the Holy One who created all of heaven
Of six lights was made the moon, and the sun was made of seven.

Of the nascent days and nights
The sun and moon became the watchers
And each one then chased the other
Round the primal starry sky

Night was nigh as bright as day then
Gave no creature cause to fear it
But that the day was slightly brighter
Gave the moon a cause to cry:

“Oh Creator of the heavens
Who made both the sun and I
Is it right that night be like the day?
Two monarchs with one crown?”

The sky gave forth no answer
But made action its reply
And five lights from her departed
Fluttering to the dusty ground

And each light became a spirit
And each spirit birthed a brood
The noble nymphs and dryads
Then would form a sisterhood

Though she may never be restored
So long as gods may live
Let us still give thanks and honor
For the light she has to give

Come ye forth therefore and harken, gentle creatures of the night,
Come ye forth therefore and revel in the moon’s resplendent light.

Taken down. It was a bad idea.

See the silver blossom
The opening white rose
In a night sky full of thorns
The dew sparkles in the darkness
The stars surround her in a spiral
Dancing around the Earth
The whiteness of the diadem
The waxing of the moon
As the sun undresses her
Like a Bride newly wed
Resplendent with holiness
Laid upon black satin
In the darkness of the night
And he can see his fire in her
Radiant and purified
As the black gown falls away
The slow unveiling of a mystery

Fear for your lives and stay indoors!

Nea has driving license.

Today is 7/7/7.

I don't know what to make of that, but it is damned awesome. Also, it fell on a Saturday, which is the seventh day of the week.

I think I am going to start a new era today. It shall be the first day of the first month of the first year of the Nea Era. I shall now count backwards from this day to indicate Pre Nea Era.

Nea Era will indicate the end of the Enlightenment Era, and the beginning of an Era of Magiscience and ladies who study Kabbalah. And also eating chocolate at parades. And men with 7 inch dongs.

My life is complete. I have lived to see the day when the world would finally come to know an energy drink emblazoned with Steven Seagal's head. I cannot express to you what I feel inside as I look at his stern and manly, yet spiritual expression as he stares into my soul from off of the aluminum. It is a mixture of elation and regret.

I regret that I shall never attain the lofty nirvana which this face represents to me. Indeed, looking into the stern face of this god man (Mod, if you will), may be as close as I shall ever come.

But I am elated. Elated because my culinary career could never have been complete without tasting something which was "asian experience" flavored. I may not know what that means, but soon I shall, for lo! A six-pack is only twelve dollars.

I need to find a way to be more open, and less stand-off-ish with people.

Also, I heart Dr. Bronner's soap SO HARD.

This is just made of pure awesome.

So I am done with my door to door sales job. I simply am not obnoxious enough to make money at it. But I do have a list of insights relating to it:

1) If something doesn't go wrong, nothing will go right.

2) In the history of human kind, being upset and angry never solved anything. If you don't like it, change it. If you can't change it, accept it and move on.

3) "Humans are such funny creatures. They are litterally what the gods are figuratively"
--Hermes

4) The only prayer which is ever answered is that prayer prayed with humility. Indeed, at times, humility itself can be a wordless prayer.

5) Organizing things is fun sometimes.

6) All magick is fundamentally positive thinking. It is amazing what ridiculous machinations we humans must go through to trick ourselves into thinking positively.

7) We will always accomplish slightly less than what we set out to do. Therefore, the wise person will make their goals just slightly unreasonable.

A collection of snippets and quotes from this week.

"How can a person live their life according to a book?"
"And what do you recommend they live their life according to? Their own perfect moral reasoning? Their infalliable ability to communicate with the divine? A book, at least, has been revised. The Bible, in particular, has been revised by generations. It is true that an individual will always hold him or herself above the law. Each of us must set aside our own arrogance long enough to ask if the laws we are examining are good, at the very least, for everyone else around us. If they are, we ought to follow them. You know, for the good of the people who, unlike us, are morally flawed and incapable of hearing perfectly."

"A beautiful woman is like a rose bush. In her prime, there is no more cherished creature; in her winter, there is nothing more bitter or desolate. A plain woman is like a pine tree -- often overlooked during her spring, but in her winter, full of grace and color."

"The King of Shit still lives in a dung heap."

"This flowering plant speaks to me about the nature of enlightenment. If you look at it, you will see the new buds, tightly closed, those that have just begun to open, those that are nearly in full bloom, and those like the two flowers you see at the top, in the peak of their beauty. Those blooms at their peak are like enlightened souls: fully realized in their potential, but not long for this world. We, like the flower, cannot close up again once we begin to open. Every experience we have propels us foward in our spiritual journey: we can either speed it up or slow it down. And each of us blooms, and likethese blooms, we can be healthy and vibrant, or shot through with a withering blight. We can decay into the dust, or reunite with the Universal Soul, or in the flower's case, the eternal cycle of life. The choice is ours."

I am sorry, to those of you who read my LJ, for the fact that I am both boring and have no time to read, post or reply.

Anyway, I found this website that calculates interesting things based on your birthday. You can find it here: http://www.paulsadowski.com/BirthDay.asp

Here are some facts about Nea:

Facts about Nea:

Nea was born on a Wednesday
under the astrological sign Aries.
Nea's Life path number is 7.

Life Path Compatibility:
Nea is most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
Nea should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 4 & 22.
Nea may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 9.
Nea is least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 3, 6, 8 & 11.

The Julian calendar date of Nea's birth is 2443967.5.
The golden number for 1979 is 4.
The epact number for 1979 is 2.

Nea's birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/28/1979 and ending 2/15/1980.
Nea was born in the Chinese year of the Goat.

Nea's Native American Zodiac sign is Hawk; Nea's plant is Dandelion.

Nea was born in the Egyptian month of Paony, the second month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

Nea's date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 9 Nisan 5739.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of Nea's birthday is 12.18.5.14.3 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 5 tun 14 uinal 3 kin